“I loved you the minute I heard your heartbeat. I loved you the minute you were born. Then I saw your face and fell in love some more. You were only a minute old but I knew I would die for you and to this day I still would. When you choose to have a child, you make a conscious decision to allow your heart to walk around outside of your body. It is a love affair that you will cherish and one that will last a life time.”
Kaylee,
I can remember being little and being asked the question “What do you want to be when you grow up?” many times. My response as it pertained to my career path I would vary quite a bit over the years (well until I reached High School at which point I was convinced I would be a pilot), but one response was always the same for as long as I can remember. I wanted to be….a mother.
I had a childhood that was out of this world amazing! I had parents that loved me unconditionally. They lived their life for me and your Uncle Larry. They would base every decision on us and would include us in all things. They didn’t go out, they didn’t party, they didn’t do anything unless Larry and I could come. And they didn’t do these things because they were forced to…they did them because they wanted to. My Mom and Dad were the happiest when they were with us kids. They had more fun teaching us the ways of life than they did by doing anything else (they didn’t say that, they showed that). My parents showed their love through acts of kindness, words of wisdom, displays of affection, with joy, peace, forbearance, goodness, love, gentleness, and self control. They obtained all fruits of the spirit within them and they openly demonstrated how they were to be carried out in every day life (Just as Christ told us to do). They loved us, and because of that love they raised me to know how to do the same thing. My parents made parenting look fun!! They made it seem like there was no better job in the world than raising kids. They glowed when they spoke of us and even as a little girl I knew I would be a mother. I knew I would once be living the life they were living, and it excited me!
When I met your Dad, one of our first conversations was about having children. Your Daddy was excited to start a new life with me and he knew that children would be in our future. He knew he wanted you and he would discuss you frequently. Seeing your Daddy’s face the day I found out we were pregnant was priceless! He was shocked, worried, and elated all at the same time. He immediately started planning the way for you. He made sure we were ready spiritually, financially, and emotionally. He was busy for 9 months straight preparing for your arrival. I have never seen him so excited and dedicated to one thing in the entire time I had known him. He wanted you, but I am not sure he knew how much until the minute you were born. Your daddy was the first to see you and his eyes said it all. I was scared and his eyes calmed me. I am not sure who cried harder that day, but I do know he was already head over heals in love with you within seconds of seeing his little baby girl’s face. (I’m sure it didn’t hurt that you looked just like him)
As for me, the moment we found out we were going to have you I knew the dream of a life I wanted to live one day was finally going to be a reality!! I would finally get to live out my childhood dreams. For as long as I can remember, I have wanted a little baby to love and raise to the standard that I was raised. I wanted to love you like I was loved. I wanted to teach you and play with you and have experiences with you that you will cherish for a lifetime as I did and forever will. I knew that I would be a good mother because I had a good mother and I wanted to lead you by the example I was shown. I knew I was equipped to have you because I know that God planned you. I dreamed of the day that I would be able to hold you and stare at you. I would often wonder what you would look like. What your voice would sound like. What I would name you. I have dreamt of you my whole life and that day finally came on October 15, 2009. This perfect life that I live right now, started that day, and it was a beautiful day!
God gave me you because he knew I was ready for you. He knew that our marriage was ready for you. He knew our walk with Christ was strong enough…for you! He already knows how you will be raised and he knew what you would look like. He knew what your voice would sound like. He knew what I would name you. He has known you for centuries and I am looking forward to getting to know you for the rest of my life. I love you Kaylee Elizabeth Roberts and I cherish everything about you.
God, I can’t fathom how you did what you did with your son for us. I have a hard time describing and putting into words how I feel about this little girl you gave me. The thought of losing her just murders me inside. But you didn’t think twice when you let go of your son for me! You were selfless so that I would be able to experience what I am experiencing. I have appreciated that fact much more since you gave me Kaylee. You loved me when I didn’t deserve love and you continue to love me now. I didn’t deserve Kaylee God, but my heart is full because you think I do. I love you for all your gifts and I love you for letting me cherish them and live because of them! You have my whole heart and I am eternally grateful that you allow me to share that same heart with the people you put in my life! Thank you God…a thousand times…THANK YOU!
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