Questions answered by a wise teacher!

Why do we always think we know better?  Why when a problem comes up in our lives we immediate go through every scenario in our heads we can think of to make it right again instead of first turning to God?  Why do we cry out to God himself when things go wrong and then curse his name when we can’t handle the pressure!? 

These questions have haunted me a good bit lately….and today, about an hour ago I decided to ask God for answers to them and over the past hour they starting coming to me.  Here is what I have come up with and what I feel I am being shown today.

Our desire for normalcy is overwhelming and our “fix it” mentality is that of the devil himself!  We want everything perfect!  We don’t want to suffer.  We feel pity on ourselves and we feel sorrow for others.  We cry when we should rejoice and we rejoice when we should cry!  Think about this for a second…

Imagine a world that obtained no bad things.  No death, no crime, no disappointment…  How does that world look to you?  Is it appealing?  Do you long for such a life?  Do you really think that the world would be perfect if only good things happened?  Do you REALLY think you would be happy?  My guess is that we wouldn’t know happiness at all.  My guess is that we wouldn’t know God at all….

If you lived a life of disappointment and pain you would know what it took to be happy!  In fact, I think it is safe to say that every thought would be “if this happened I would be happy” or “If only this were different…I would be happy”.   The truth is if you knew God on a personal level, would you feel as safe in secure in the fact that these things were intended to lead to a sense of happiness.  Bad things weren’t meant to be boulders in your way, instead they were intended to be speed bumps to slow your roll.  God knows that if life were easy and that if it didn’t take tough times to question his existence you wouldn’t crave him! I don’t think we would crave him at all or attempt to understand him if we weren’t selfish and wanted something.  Think about it!  Didn’t we all come to know Jesus because we wanted a better life? 

Aren’t we told time and time again in churches and by other believers that God is present in all things?  Aren’t we shown that God can handle any challenge?  Don’t we ourselves know the truth of God’s word and the power of his teachings? I suspect that we all have a struggle with doubt in the tough times even though Jesus him self told us to “Not be afraid” and to “have faith in him”!  We need to stop beating ourselves up over how we should react initially and instead concentrate more on how we respond long term.  I think we torture ourselves because we mess up.  I think for some odd reason we feel like we are supposed to be perfect when God knew that we weren’t even capable of such. 

We should accept the truth that God controls our emotions and thoughts.  He has a purpose in all things.  He teaches us daily and challenges us every minute!

Here’s what I took away from my prayer time today…

If we didn’t suffer we wouldn’t appreciate!! 

If we didn’t hurt, we wouldn’t know how to not hurt!! 

If we weren’t sad, we wouldn’t know how to be happy!!! 

If we didn’t struggle, we wouldn’t know how to not struggle!!!

If we didn’t turn to ourselves first and then turn to God, we wouldn’t know that we can’t fix it ourselves!!!

God thank you for this revelation today!  It seems so simple yet so complex in my brain.  I feel like these are things I should know, but never considered.  Thank you for laying a burden on my heart these past few days so that I may understand you better.  You know me better than I attempt to know myself and for that…I am very thankful!  In your precious name I pray….Amen!

God gave me her...and I know that!

“I loved you the minute I heard your heartbeat.  I loved you the minute you were born.  Then I saw your face and fell in love some more.  You were only a minute old but I knew I would die for you and to this day I still would.  When you choose to have a child, you make a conscious decision to allow your heart to walk around outside of your body.  It is a love affair that you will cherish and one that will last a life time.” 

Kaylee,

I can remember being little and being asked the question “What do you want to be when you grow up?” many times. My response as it pertained to my career path I would vary quite a bit  over the years (well until I reached High School at which point I was convinced I would be a pilot), but one response was always the same for as long as I can remember.  I wanted to be….a mother.

I had a childhood that was out of this world amazing!  I had parents that loved me unconditionally.  They lived their life for me and your Uncle Larry.  They would base every decision on us and would include us in all things.  They didn’t go out, they didn’t party, they didn’t do anything unless Larry and I could come.  And they didn’t do these things because they were forced to…they did them because they wanted to.  My Mom and Dad were the happiest when they were with us kids.  They had more fun teaching us the ways of life than they did by doing anything else (they didn’t say that, they showed that).  My parents showed their love through acts of kindness, words of wisdom, displays of affection, with joy, peace, forbearance, goodness, love, gentleness, and self control. They obtained all fruits of the spirit within them and they openly demonstrated how they were to be carried out in every day life (Just as Christ told us to do).  They loved us, and because of that love they raised me to know how to do the same thing.  My parents made parenting look fun!!  They made it seem like there was no better job in the world than raising kids. They glowed when they spoke of us and even as a little girl I knew I would be a mother.  I knew I would once be living the life they were living, and it excited me!

When I met your Dad, one of our first conversations was about having children.  Your Daddy was excited to start a new life with me and he knew that children would be in our future.  He knew he wanted you and he would discuss you frequently.  Seeing your Daddy’s face the day I found out we were pregnant was priceless!  He was shocked, worried, and elated all at the same time.  He immediately started planning the way for you.  He made sure we were ready spiritually, financially, and emotionally.  He was busy for 9 months straight preparing for your arrival.  I have never seen him so excited and dedicated to one thing in the entire time I had known him.  He wanted you, but I am not sure he knew how much until the minute you were born.  Your daddy was the first to see you and his eyes said it all.  I was scared and his eyes calmed me.  I am not sure who cried harder that day, but I do know he was already head over heals in love with you within seconds of seeing his little baby girl’s face.  (I’m sure it didn’t hurt that you looked just like him)

As for me, the moment we found out we were going to have you I knew the dream of a life I wanted to live one day was finally going to be a reality!!  I would finally get to live out my childhood dreams.  For as long as I can remember, I have wanted a little baby to love and raise to the standard that I was raised.  I wanted to love you like I was loved.  I wanted to teach you and play with you and have experiences with you that you will cherish for a lifetime as I did and forever will.  I knew that I would be a good mother because I had a good mother and I wanted to lead you by the example I was shown.  I knew I was equipped to have you because I know that God planned you.  I dreamed of the day that I would be able to hold you and stare at you.  I would often wonder what you would look like.  What your voice would sound like. What I would name you.  I have dreamt of you my whole life and that day finally came on October 15, 2009.  This perfect life that I live right now, started that day, and it was a beautiful day!

God gave me you because he knew I was ready for you.  He knew that our marriage was ready for you.  He knew our walk with Christ was strong enough…for you!   He already knows how you will be raised and he knew what you would look like. He knew what your voice would sound like. He knew what I would name you. He has known you for centuries and I am looking forward to getting to know you for the rest of my life.  I love you Kaylee Elizabeth Roberts and I cherish everything about you.

God, I can’t fathom how you did what you did with your son for us.  I have a hard time describing and putting into words how I feel about this little girl you gave me.  The thought of losing her just murders me inside.  But you didn’t think twice when you let go of your son for me!  You were selfless so that I would be able to experience what I am experiencing.  I have appreciated that fact much more since you gave me Kaylee.  You loved me when I didn’t deserve love and you continue to love me now.  I didn’t deserve Kaylee God, but my heart is full because you think I do.  I love you for all your gifts and I love you for letting me cherish them and live because of them!  You have my whole heart and I am eternally grateful that you allow me to share that same heart with the people you put in my life! Thank you God…a thousand times…THANK YOU!

When I say I am a Christian....

When I say I am a Christian I am not saying that I am perfect.  I am not saying that I don't screw up often or consciously make mistakes.  I am not saying that I am a model of perfection or a judger of all things.  In fact, I am saying the EXACT opposite of these things...

When I say I am a Christian I am saying that I am a sinner who is forgiven by God.  But as to not just use a standard word such a "sinner"...let me explain..
I very often am a grumpy, impatient, stubborn, critical, distracted, complicated, dissatisfied, anxious, insecure, doubtful, dependent, lazy, rude, naïve, proud, self-conscious, pessimistic, incompetent, stupid, some times vulgar, selfish, needy, irrational, childish, over dramatic, predictable, indecisive, irritating... (wow the list goes on an on) person!  (That was actually easier than I thought it would be..lol).
But I am FORGIVEN!  I am a believer in Jesus Christ and I give my heart to him.  This love I have for him is what makes me who I am!  And despite everything I hate about me...I love who I am!

Jesus was sitting in a court yard one day when this woman (an adulterer) was brought in to be stoned.  He said to these men oppressors "Let the first stone be cast by the one who is of no sin (meaning the one person among them that HAS NEVER made a mistake)!!"  And you know what happened?  Even though there WAS INDEED one person among them that has NEVER sinned..everyone dropped their stones and walked away.  This woman, who was relieved and ashamed, approached Jesus and Jesus said "has anyone condemned you?" (meaning.."How many stones were you hit with woman?) To this she replied. "No". And Jesus said to her "I do not condemn you either (EVEN THOUGH HE WAS WITHOUT SIN) now go..and SIN NO MORE"!

I tell you this story because it is important to me, and though I have heard it time and time again in the three years I have been a believer I have never quite understood it until Scott Slayton preached on it this past Sunday.  Jesus is indeed telling this woman that she is forgiven.  Let there be NO mistake about that.  But the story does not stop there.  Perhaps the most important part of this entire example that God has laid out for us in his word is that we should GO...AND SIN NO MORE!!  He knows our flaws people!  He knows we make mistakes and he even knows we know they are mistakes when we make them.  But let me assure you that he doesn't love you any less because of them.  He loves you for loving him and for learning from mistakes and for loving him enough to be forgiven and by not repeating those sins! 

It is true that our slates were wiped clean when we accepted Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior and allowed him to enter our life and control it, but this is not a license to sin and have no guilt! 

There is a point to this...and here it is...

I am a sinner.  I used to drink (very heavily in fact...maybe one day I will tell you the story of what that almost led to), I used to smoke (right up until I got pregnant actually..only two years ago..you do the math), I still sometimes cuss, and I still occasionally drink, I occasionally lash out and disrespect my husband with negative talk, but I am forgiven because I make an effort to SIN NO MORE!  I do NOT judge those who sin.  I never will...because Jesus does not judge those who sin and Jesus does not judge me!  Jesus did not judge the woman adulterer, he loved her...and I love you as my brothers and sisters in Christ.

God,
I come to you today with a heavy heart for many people.  I pray that all those who feel like they need to have their lives together before they can come to you and ask you to enter it understand that you want them RIGHT NOW. I pray that you assure them that you will not condemn them and you will not judge them.  I pray that you wipe the dirt off their face and hold them in your embrace because God...Your love truly does ALWAYS save the day!  Life is not easy God!  You have called me to stand up to my oppressors and to be a woman of Christ yet you have allowed me to have such a sinful nature.  But you never said it would be easy God, you just said you will love me no matter what.  I love you Jesus..I love you with all my being and so much more! And though it seems hard...I will always trust in your love! Amen!