Never Recognized...

I read a letter from a husband to his wife the other day that just blew me away.  It’s so encouraging to me to know that even after 33 years together a man can still love his wife this much. 

This man inspires me to appreciate others and perhaps most importantly to give selflessly.  I encourage you to read his story below and to think of those in your own life who may be under appreciated.  May God Bless you Always! 

Never Recognized

I think we all know someone whose life thrives off doing for others, serving others, loving others, and caring for others.  These people are a jewel.  They are a breed that a selfish person struggles to understand and it is because of this type of person that we can breathe a breath of hope as our lives are made easier merely because these people exist.

 I once read somewhere that the only way to understand a person like this is to be fortunate enough to be in love with one of them, and I am proud to say that I am one of those fortunate few.  The person I have described to you is my best friend, my soul mate, but perhaps best of all she is also my wife of now 33 years.  Truly, she is one of the many unrecognized persons I have referred to thus far and my purpose of this letter is to change that by telling you all about her. 

I was nearing the end of my teenage years and getting ready to pursue the world by moving out and starting a career when one day my sister came in with a new friend.  I remembering looking up from the TV to see who she had with her when my eyes met her big beautiful blues and it was at that very moment that my heart stopped and I fell deeply in love with her.  She smiled at me and, in a moment that felt like ages, all I could do was look at her and smile back.  It was during those very moments I just knew she was the one for me and after a little time and a good bit of work she became my wife.  The love that engulfed our first meeting has strengthened by leaps and bounds over the years.  Now 33 years, two kids, 2 Son in-laws, and a grandchild later I still get chills when she enters a room.  The woman I am lucky enough to spend my life with is a person who would help anyone that needed it.  She gives only of herself and does so without the need for personal gain.  Her strength is immeasurable and her heart is larger than life. 

It wasn’t long after we were married that her father, who had health problems already, started to get to a point where he could no longer work.  He was a retired Air Force veteran and had been working full time in the police department for a good many of years.  He was a hard working, respected man who was now being forced into another retirement due to increasing health problems.  The realization of losing him was sinking in, and the burden of maintaining their household finances were being put on her mother.  Her mother, at the time, was also working but was now being forced to quit so she could stay home and take care of him and the household responsibilities.  She was scared and unequipped to do so and my wife, at that moment, quickly stepped in and took over.  In no time, she had his retirement in force and the finances in place for the hospital care that her father was going to need.  She spent countless hours doing everything from keeping the extended family informed on his condition to keeping the bills paid and the house in order while still maintain ours.  She was available every moment until the end and even after.  She worked hard and tirelessly and made her Father proud to call her his.  She gave all of herself and never expected anything in return. During that season in our lives, I knew I had something special in a wife and this was only the beginning.

 After her father’s death she took on the responsibility of taking care of her mother.  We invited her into our home and she spent every day for the next fifteen years proving how dedicated she was to the needs of others.  While having a full time job, being a full time wife, and becoming a full time mother of two she also took care of her mother’s needs which only increased over time.  Her mother’s health too began to fail and I witnessed the same strength that impressed me so many years ago resurface.  She prepared countless doses of medication, organized and attended many doctor’s visits and hospital stays while never faltering as a mother and wife.  In fact, when our kids were young we took them on vacation every year and she organized that too.  She never gave too little in any one area of her life.  This was made evident with how involved she was in our children’s lives.  She would go to their schools to read to their classrooms, attend field trips, and even became president of the ROTC booster club all because she loved her Children more than herself and knew they would appreciate it.  She was unstoppable and impressive in her plight to be so.  Fifteen years after the passing of her father her Mother too passed away, but not without knowing, respecting, and being in awe of the incredible woman her daughter had become. 

I have, for over 33 years, witnessed my wife do all of these things without once stopping to ask, “What is in this for me,” and now the time has come that her poor body too is suffering.  She is no longer able to do those things for others because of her own medical problems that have been progressing for a very long time.  Every day I watch her struggle just to be with me and our kids even though I know there are times where all she wants to do is go to sleep and not wake up because the pain is so intense.  She has spent her whole life being a strong woman and now she fights to even get up most days.  I know in my heart that even though her physical body is hurting the woman I have witnessed take on so much over the years is still very much alive and fighting within her.  It pains me to my core see her this way.

I asked her one day “If you could go back and change your life what would you do differently” and her response was immediate.  She said that she would take care of her body better and love me a whole lot more.  Even through all of this, she feels like she didn’t give enough of herself or didn’t do enough to prevent her failing body.  It is because of this that I have realized what I would have done differently.  If I could go back and do it all over again, I would have spent every waking moment telling her how amazing she is, how in love with her I am, and how thankful I am that she walked in my house and smiled at me all those years ago.  She is my soul mate, best friend, and best of all, my wife, and now it’s my turn to take care of her and try to give back just a glimpse of what she has given me.  I know the challenge I face and I welcome it with open arms because my love for her is bigger than any obstacle this world has to offer.

My plea to you is if there is anyone in your life like this, stop for a minute, hug them, and tell them how much you appreciate them for what they do.  Tell them how unbelievable their passion for others is and that you know without a doubt that if it weren’t for people like them this world wouldn’t be one worth living in.  You’d be surprised at their humbleness and will be encouraged by their strife.  I thank God for these angels that walk and serve among us, and I praise him for allowing one of them to be my wife!

To my wife of 33 years with all my love,

Your adoring husband forever and beyond

Questions answered by a wise teacher!

Why do we always think we know better?  Why when a problem comes up in our lives we immediate go through every scenario in our heads we can think of to make it right again instead of first turning to God?  Why do we cry out to God himself when things go wrong and then curse his name when we can’t handle the pressure!? 

These questions have haunted me a good bit lately….and today, about an hour ago I decided to ask God for answers to them and over the past hour they starting coming to me.  Here is what I have come up with and what I feel I am being shown today.

Our desire for normalcy is overwhelming and our “fix it” mentality is that of the devil himself!  We want everything perfect!  We don’t want to suffer.  We feel pity on ourselves and we feel sorrow for others.  We cry when we should rejoice and we rejoice when we should cry!  Think about this for a second…

Imagine a world that obtained no bad things.  No death, no crime, no disappointment…  How does that world look to you?  Is it appealing?  Do you long for such a life?  Do you really think that the world would be perfect if only good things happened?  Do you REALLY think you would be happy?  My guess is that we wouldn’t know happiness at all.  My guess is that we wouldn’t know God at all….

If you lived a life of disappointment and pain you would know what it took to be happy!  In fact, I think it is safe to say that every thought would be “if this happened I would be happy” or “If only this were different…I would be happy”.   The truth is if you knew God on a personal level, would you feel as safe in secure in the fact that these things were intended to lead to a sense of happiness.  Bad things weren’t meant to be boulders in your way, instead they were intended to be speed bumps to slow your roll.  God knows that if life were easy and that if it didn’t take tough times to question his existence you wouldn’t crave him! I don’t think we would crave him at all or attempt to understand him if we weren’t selfish and wanted something.  Think about it!  Didn’t we all come to know Jesus because we wanted a better life? 

Aren’t we told time and time again in churches and by other believers that God is present in all things?  Aren’t we shown that God can handle any challenge?  Don’t we ourselves know the truth of God’s word and the power of his teachings? I suspect that we all have a struggle with doubt in the tough times even though Jesus him self told us to “Not be afraid” and to “have faith in him”!  We need to stop beating ourselves up over how we should react initially and instead concentrate more on how we respond long term.  I think we torture ourselves because we mess up.  I think for some odd reason we feel like we are supposed to be perfect when God knew that we weren’t even capable of such. 

We should accept the truth that God controls our emotions and thoughts.  He has a purpose in all things.  He teaches us daily and challenges us every minute!

Here’s what I took away from my prayer time today…

If we didn’t suffer we wouldn’t appreciate!! 

If we didn’t hurt, we wouldn’t know how to not hurt!! 

If we weren’t sad, we wouldn’t know how to be happy!!! 

If we didn’t struggle, we wouldn’t know how to not struggle!!!

If we didn’t turn to ourselves first and then turn to God, we wouldn’t know that we can’t fix it ourselves!!!

God thank you for this revelation today!  It seems so simple yet so complex in my brain.  I feel like these are things I should know, but never considered.  Thank you for laying a burden on my heart these past few days so that I may understand you better.  You know me better than I attempt to know myself and for that…I am very thankful!  In your precious name I pray….Amen!

God gave me her...and I know that!

“I loved you the minute I heard your heartbeat.  I loved you the minute you were born.  Then I saw your face and fell in love some more.  You were only a minute old but I knew I would die for you and to this day I still would.  When you choose to have a child, you make a conscious decision to allow your heart to walk around outside of your body.  It is a love affair that you will cherish and one that will last a life time.” 

Kaylee,

I can remember being little and being asked the question “What do you want to be when you grow up?” many times. My response as it pertained to my career path I would vary quite a bit  over the years (well until I reached High School at which point I was convinced I would be a pilot), but one response was always the same for as long as I can remember.  I wanted to be….a mother.

I had a childhood that was out of this world amazing!  I had parents that loved me unconditionally.  They lived their life for me and your Uncle Larry.  They would base every decision on us and would include us in all things.  They didn’t go out, they didn’t party, they didn’t do anything unless Larry and I could come.  And they didn’t do these things because they were forced to…they did them because they wanted to.  My Mom and Dad were the happiest when they were with us kids.  They had more fun teaching us the ways of life than they did by doing anything else (they didn’t say that, they showed that).  My parents showed their love through acts of kindness, words of wisdom, displays of affection, with joy, peace, forbearance, goodness, love, gentleness, and self control. They obtained all fruits of the spirit within them and they openly demonstrated how they were to be carried out in every day life (Just as Christ told us to do).  They loved us, and because of that love they raised me to know how to do the same thing.  My parents made parenting look fun!!  They made it seem like there was no better job in the world than raising kids. They glowed when they spoke of us and even as a little girl I knew I would be a mother.  I knew I would once be living the life they were living, and it excited me!

When I met your Dad, one of our first conversations was about having children.  Your Daddy was excited to start a new life with me and he knew that children would be in our future.  He knew he wanted you and he would discuss you frequently.  Seeing your Daddy’s face the day I found out we were pregnant was priceless!  He was shocked, worried, and elated all at the same time.  He immediately started planning the way for you.  He made sure we were ready spiritually, financially, and emotionally.  He was busy for 9 months straight preparing for your arrival.  I have never seen him so excited and dedicated to one thing in the entire time I had known him.  He wanted you, but I am not sure he knew how much until the minute you were born.  Your daddy was the first to see you and his eyes said it all.  I was scared and his eyes calmed me.  I am not sure who cried harder that day, but I do know he was already head over heals in love with you within seconds of seeing his little baby girl’s face.  (I’m sure it didn’t hurt that you looked just like him)

As for me, the moment we found out we were going to have you I knew the dream of a life I wanted to live one day was finally going to be a reality!!  I would finally get to live out my childhood dreams.  For as long as I can remember, I have wanted a little baby to love and raise to the standard that I was raised.  I wanted to love you like I was loved.  I wanted to teach you and play with you and have experiences with you that you will cherish for a lifetime as I did and forever will.  I knew that I would be a good mother because I had a good mother and I wanted to lead you by the example I was shown.  I knew I was equipped to have you because I know that God planned you.  I dreamed of the day that I would be able to hold you and stare at you.  I would often wonder what you would look like.  What your voice would sound like. What I would name you.  I have dreamt of you my whole life and that day finally came on October 15, 2009.  This perfect life that I live right now, started that day, and it was a beautiful day!

God gave me you because he knew I was ready for you.  He knew that our marriage was ready for you.  He knew our walk with Christ was strong enough…for you!   He already knows how you will be raised and he knew what you would look like. He knew what your voice would sound like. He knew what I would name you. He has known you for centuries and I am looking forward to getting to know you for the rest of my life.  I love you Kaylee Elizabeth Roberts and I cherish everything about you.

God, I can’t fathom how you did what you did with your son for us.  I have a hard time describing and putting into words how I feel about this little girl you gave me.  The thought of losing her just murders me inside.  But you didn’t think twice when you let go of your son for me!  You were selfless so that I would be able to experience what I am experiencing.  I have appreciated that fact much more since you gave me Kaylee.  You loved me when I didn’t deserve love and you continue to love me now.  I didn’t deserve Kaylee God, but my heart is full because you think I do.  I love you for all your gifts and I love you for letting me cherish them and live because of them!  You have my whole heart and I am eternally grateful that you allow me to share that same heart with the people you put in my life! Thank you God…a thousand times…THANK YOU!

When I say I am a Christian....

When I say I am a Christian I am not saying that I am perfect.  I am not saying that I don't screw up often or consciously make mistakes.  I am not saying that I am a model of perfection or a judger of all things.  In fact, I am saying the EXACT opposite of these things...

When I say I am a Christian I am saying that I am a sinner who is forgiven by God.  But as to not just use a standard word such a "sinner"...let me explain..
I very often am a grumpy, impatient, stubborn, critical, distracted, complicated, dissatisfied, anxious, insecure, doubtful, dependent, lazy, rude, naïve, proud, self-conscious, pessimistic, incompetent, stupid, some times vulgar, selfish, needy, irrational, childish, over dramatic, predictable, indecisive, irritating... (wow the list goes on an on) person!  (That was actually easier than I thought it would be..lol).
But I am FORGIVEN!  I am a believer in Jesus Christ and I give my heart to him.  This love I have for him is what makes me who I am!  And despite everything I hate about me...I love who I am!

Jesus was sitting in a court yard one day when this woman (an adulterer) was brought in to be stoned.  He said to these men oppressors "Let the first stone be cast by the one who is of no sin (meaning the one person among them that HAS NEVER made a mistake)!!"  And you know what happened?  Even though there WAS INDEED one person among them that has NEVER sinned..everyone dropped their stones and walked away.  This woman, who was relieved and ashamed, approached Jesus and Jesus said "has anyone condemned you?" (meaning.."How many stones were you hit with woman?) To this she replied. "No". And Jesus said to her "I do not condemn you either (EVEN THOUGH HE WAS WITHOUT SIN) now go..and SIN NO MORE"!

I tell you this story because it is important to me, and though I have heard it time and time again in the three years I have been a believer I have never quite understood it until Scott Slayton preached on it this past Sunday.  Jesus is indeed telling this woman that she is forgiven.  Let there be NO mistake about that.  But the story does not stop there.  Perhaps the most important part of this entire example that God has laid out for us in his word is that we should GO...AND SIN NO MORE!!  He knows our flaws people!  He knows we make mistakes and he even knows we know they are mistakes when we make them.  But let me assure you that he doesn't love you any less because of them.  He loves you for loving him and for learning from mistakes and for loving him enough to be forgiven and by not repeating those sins! 

It is true that our slates were wiped clean when we accepted Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior and allowed him to enter our life and control it, but this is not a license to sin and have no guilt! 

There is a point to this...and here it is...

I am a sinner.  I used to drink (very heavily in fact...maybe one day I will tell you the story of what that almost led to), I used to smoke (right up until I got pregnant actually..only two years ago..you do the math), I still sometimes cuss, and I still occasionally drink, I occasionally lash out and disrespect my husband with negative talk, but I am forgiven because I make an effort to SIN NO MORE!  I do NOT judge those who sin.  I never will...because Jesus does not judge those who sin and Jesus does not judge me!  Jesus did not judge the woman adulterer, he loved her...and I love you as my brothers and sisters in Christ.

God,
I come to you today with a heavy heart for many people.  I pray that all those who feel like they need to have their lives together before they can come to you and ask you to enter it understand that you want them RIGHT NOW. I pray that you assure them that you will not condemn them and you will not judge them.  I pray that you wipe the dirt off their face and hold them in your embrace because God...Your love truly does ALWAYS save the day!  Life is not easy God!  You have called me to stand up to my oppressors and to be a woman of Christ yet you have allowed me to have such a sinful nature.  But you never said it would be easy God, you just said you will love me no matter what.  I love you Jesus..I love you with all my being and so much more! And though it seems hard...I will always trust in your love! Amen!

I didn't know that I didn't know....

I was given a book today from a dear sweet woman whose heart is always focused on our Heavenly father.  In this book, I learned something that until I read it, I'm not sure I knew.  You see, I am still a pretty new believer.  I asked Jesus to enter my  heart and take over my life only 3 years ago and it seems like every day since then I learn something new..but this particular thing stopped me in my tracks and I feel like it should be written down so that I don't forget...
Grace!!  Tell me what grace is?  Explain it to me.  Use it in a sentense that would make it make sense.  Can you give me an example of God's Grace?
You could have asked me any of these questions and I would have given you the answer I have heard preached to me for 3 years but I wouldn't have understood it.  They would have just been words with no understanding on my part.  I want to summerize what I have read in a short piece of this book, but I fear I would miss something so I won't leave anything out. 
Grace is.....
Limitless.
Boundless.
Matchless.
All of God...Nothing of us!
Can Not Earn It...Do NOT deserve it.
Salvation..By Grace Alone.
Christian Living...By Grace Alone. 
All That I Am..All that I do. All that I have...All that I know..BECAUSE of God's Grace. 
We Deserve NOTHING..God gives us EVERYTHING. 
We have NO power...Go gives us HIS power. 
We have NO strength...God gives us HIS strength.
We are Weak...He is Strong. 
We are nothing..He is EVERYTHING. 
We are Needy...He is RICH!

It makes sense.  God forgives even though we don't deserve it.  God loves...even though some don't love him.  HE IS NOT SELFISH...AND WE VERY MUCH ARE!!

The book gives a great story that demonstrates grace in a human form...

There was a lady that was driving her little girl to a sports game and on the way there she realized they were going to be late.  The child in the back requested that she hurry and she obliged.  Soon she was being followed by blue lights asking her to pull over.  She immediately knew she was wrong...she knew she was speeding...and she told the police man "I am so sorry, I know I was speeding...I was wrong" and he replied "Maam this is a work zone, people could get hurt, I am not going to give you a ticket, so please be careful". 
This woman did not deserve to get off the hook her.  She did something wrong and should have been punished right? 
God doesn't look at our lives that way!  He lets us screw up...LOTS OF TIMES...and he will ALWAYS be there when you realize that you have and you want to beg him for forgiveness.  He let's you "Off the Hook" because he loves us...and we DO NOT deserve it!

God, Thank you for loving me today...thank you for being who you claim to be.  Thank you for your son and for his sacrifice.  I love you...and am so glad you love me back! Amen

I'm Human

I'm Human, you're Human...we are, we are Human!

I love that line even though I feel like it could be used for bad rather than good.  The immidiate thought that comes to my mind is "I think I will use it as an excuse to screw up today".  But just as quickly as that thought enters, I cover it with..."I think I will use this to help me remember that we are ALL sinners!!!".  I am not alone..I am not the only one.  In fact, I'll bet just right here in this very building there are at least 20 people doing things or saying things that are unpleasing to God...RIGHT NOW as I type this is happening...I just know it!  It's not that I like that we all fall short of the glory of our Father, but I do take comfort in the fact that He expects it.  He knows that no matter how hard we try to be perfect the truth is that there was only one Perfect person to ever walk this Earth and that will not change until that same person comes back.  He knows we are not perfect...we are not fooling GOD! 
Today God, let it be known that I love you, and that I spend every moment I can trying to show others through my actions and words how good you are to us even when we are not so good to you sometimes.  Thank you God for forgiving us and for never allowing our actions keep us from Heaven.  Thank you God for all that you have given to me and for making me feel like I am unstoppable!  It's in your precious name I pray...Amen.

Hallelujah (Glory be to God)

This blog was started initially to reach out to a few ladies in my life who didn't all live in the same place.  I was reading through one of my favorite chapters of the Bible and wanted to share it with them through Story Telling.  All of that's to say.  I made it through all by the last part and "life" got in the way.  I could finish it...but I won't.  I have decided to leave it hanging because it was for them....and since it has been so long..I think I will just let them read it and tell it in their own way. 
I have decided to go a different direction with this blog.  I think it would be better served by focusing on me and my thoughts and my walk with Christ as MY walk and my thoughts are the only thing I can control and speak for.  I am not writing these for people to read...I am writing them for me to release the thoughts in my mind and if it helps others...then that's great! 
Now that you have a good idea of my direction for this thing, how about I provide you with some random thoughts?

Have you ever had a song that you loved so much that it stopped you in your tracks every time you heard it?  It's funny, because most of the time I only like songs for the sound of them...not for the words, but lately the words have been becoming more and more important.  I have been feeling them and God has been showing me what they are supposed to mean in my life.  These songs are meant to "grab" you and make you think...and this song certainly does just that for me.  The name is Hallelujah and it’s by Heather Williams.  Heather’s story makes this song.  I don’t believe you can have the true affect without knowing her story.  Here is a version of it taken from www.iamthesource.org:

Born in Dearborn, Michigan, Heather Williams suffered intense verbal and physical abuse and was eventually given away to another family at the age of eleven. Other loving family members stepped in to help, but the damage had been done. At eighteen, Heather found herself homeless and needing drugs or alcohol to make it through the week. She also developed serious anger issues from abuse. In the midst of the hopelessness, God stepped back into her life and brought her help. Still eighteen, Heather gave her life back to God and met the man she would soon marry who was on a home missions trip in Michigan.  Heather moved to Florida with her husband Tim and began singing in churches throughout the United States - over a hundred concerts a year in fact. She found the thing that she not only loved, but was made to do. Things were good and record companies came calling. In the midst of success, Heather became pregnant with her first child - a son - Caedmen. The excitement of his birth had hardly worn off when tragedy hit. In less than 24 hours, baby Caed passed away from an enlarged heart with no warning. The doctors at the hospital had no explanation and Heather's work was shattered.  Again, she gave her life to God. He helped her pick up the pieces and return to ministry.

 I’ll stop there and continue with my point.  This woman has been through more than one trial in her life and she has overcome more than one trial in her life.  She has remained strong and has dedicated her life to showing others they can do the same.  MAN..I want that!  Here’s the lyrics to Hallelujah:


Jesus, please come*
Please come today
Hear me
Heal me
Be near me I pray

I have fallen so far
Flat on my face
I'm in need of your grace today
I stumble and fall
But in spite of it all
Your love always stays the same
Hallelujah

Jesus, please come
Please come today
Break me
Mold me
Use me I pray

But don't give up on me now
I'm so close to you now
I'm in need of your grace today
Wipe the dirt off my face
Hold me in your embrace
Your love always saves the day
Hallelujah

On my knees here I fall
In spite of it all
Hallelujah
And though it seems hard
I'm still trusting you Lord
Hallelujah

Can you feel these words and tremble with her pain?  Can you stand strong knowing that you can overcome anything with the help of our Lord Jesus Christ?  She reminds me that I can!  She writes “Jesus, Please come..today”.  She is begging Jesus to enter her heart and help her see the light at the end of all this darkness surrounding her.  She is praying and pleading saying even that she has “fallen so far, flat on her face”.  We should all want what this song portrays.  We should all want Jesus to come into our lives and mold us to be the person he wants us to be.  To be able to set down our own selfish desires and just believe in him!  And though it seems hard…I still trust in your Lord..HALLELUJAH (Glory be to God).

God, I want to thank you for constantly showing me that you are near me. I love you. Amen